the death of a friend

Therese Littlejohn died a week and a half ago. Therese is a friend, a neighbor, a member of our church. She was 46 years old. She died of breast cancer. Her daughters - Madison 11 and Petyon 10 - are friends of my daughters and they are part of our Miller South School for the Visual and Performing Arts carpool. Kate babysat for them last night. The last time Therese was out before she died was to worship at our ChristStream service two weeks before Christmas. Earlier that week I had driven her to school for the parents conferences with teachers. We had a good time!

I drive by the house where her husband Pete and the girls continue live every day since it is two blocks from our house and on my route out of our neighborhood. I look at their house everytime. I miss Therese, but I don't feel overwhelming sadness. She talked with me a lot over the past year about her dying. She wanted to live longer especially because of the ages of her daughters, but she knew she probably wouldn't. She had outlived by three years the last remaining member of her cancer support group (she lived with cancer for 10 years).

Madison and Petyon feel like daughters to me. Madison has been in the carpool for three years and Peyton for two years. Plus, they are at our house and especially our Molly is at their house a lot.

I find myself already talking with Therese in the slowly creeping up thoughts of my mind. I picture her and find that through thoughts I am communicating with her. I don't imagine this as "beyond the grave" stuff. It just is communcation. I don't need to explain it so it fits a modern understanding of stuff. It is there.

This has helped me with a lot of anxiousness I have been feeling. Let it go, David. Therese has. She had to. You have to, too. You can't control it. Nothing that you or I do is permanent. At some point in time when we are living or after we have died here on earth, everything we have done will be changed. But what will remain both here and there is living with God. And that's all that matters.