remembering the past and holding resentments

In international affairs we hear often that such and such people have a long memory. It seems to be cast in the vein that we in the US don't have a long memory. That is, we don't hold grudges or resentments against other people. For instance, the ethnic cleansing in the Balkans of the 1990's was said to be from long held resentments leading back to W.W. II and even before. That once Tito died and the glue that held Yugoslavia together evaporated, those resentments led to the atrocities we saw during that time.

I have recently had a personal experience where resentments that were held over 20 years surfaced towards me from another person. I've tried to imagine what it must feel like to hold on to that for that length of time. I have long held resentments inside myself that I struggle with too. When something goes wrong in my life, I find that my bitterness wanders to situations and people from my past. I somehow want to blame them for my present predicament (If blaming really fixed any of us, we would all have been healed a long time ago.)

God spoke to the people of Israel saying that the only one who deserved to own long held bitterness and resentment was himself. BUT, that he chose to forgive us rather than destroy us. Disciples of Jesus live within that kind of realm here on earth. We proclaim it now. Even when we don't feel it or see it (because we didn't create it or control it), we are still called to proclaim it. We can trust that God will offer it, even when we don't feel or see it. Our memories can recover those times from our past when we saw God's forgiveness in our life, rather than holding on to resentments to fuel our fire of anger which disconnects us from God.

This is not easy. It goes against the grain of this world. But not against the grain of God's realm which Jesus has revealed in the present and points ahead to when it will be complete.

God, help me and us to live more in your memory rather than our own. Amen.

david@loar.org