knowing God and doing church

I am confounded by the contrasts I find of doing church stuff from local church to denominational activities with that of knowing God. I am reading Your's Jack which is letters from C. S. Lewis. As I read Thomas Merton, Madeleine L'Engle, Will Campbell, Lesslie Newbigin, Lewis and others, I find myself separated from the spiritual reality of God, the incarnation in Jesus Christ, and the power of being crucified with and risen with Christ.

It isn't that we don't touch on the center of the mission given us in Christ, its that we are pre-occupied with so much "otherness" of our own lives. And we have laid upon or imposed upon the "church" much of our life, rather than our growing into the life of Christ. We seek to be "good" so that God will give us brownie points for the future rather than accepting we cannot accomplish the good, but only can be forgiven by this amazing love of God that redeems us both now and "then."

I am told to at times to just accept whatever small bits of progress that may happen in the name of "church", and be happy with that. To accept as inevitable that we humans cannot really become the true church, body of Christ. Its only an illusion. A false reality. That is probably true. BUT when we accept Christ fully as our life, it is no longer a future promise or an illusion. Its the reality of heaven breaking in here on earth! I am convinced of that by faith.

I continue to seek those who seek to be in that deeply entrenched faith community. Nothing else matters. I know that from scripture...and from revelations of that message from many I have known and been with over the years. As I go back and re-read notes I took over 30 years ago in seminary, I realize that I was being prepared to lead in the church in faith by that reality. For years I have been tried to be convinced by others, often in the "church", to give it up and just accept things the way they are. "Give it your best shot, but don't take it to heart that much!"

I have greatly reinforced in this faith by conversation with John Gossett from my congregation who is reading at my suggestion Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity by Eugene Peterson. John continue to comment to me how much he is realizing what ministry is from reading this book, and how demanding it is to be a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a culture that has done a bait and switch by convincing folks that the gospel is really not that demanding and that it is more about us than it is about Jesus Christ.

I am presently in a denomination that advertises itself rather than simply proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Not that they intend to, but they come close to sounding like the Church of Christ or the Mormons as though the reality of Jesus is mainly known in our nation through the United Church of Christ. The reality of Jesus Christ is known where God wills it. In humility we seek to be ready for God to use us as God wills. But it is never about us. We are to be the light of God to the world. The UCC as well as Fairlawn West UCC will die with Christ, so that we may proclaim that we will all be raised with him. But these days many in the UCC stop short of saying that...because they think it is "aniquated" thinking. We spend more time promoting social issues and our own right thinking in the present, and we cherry pick our own historical strands to present how we were on the right side of history. Conveniently ignoring much of our own history that promoted the values and actions that today we condemn in others. We distinguish ourselves by our ideology, but our methodology is similar to that of those we condemn.

May Christ save us all!